Testimonial with Leonardo
For those who are suffering, I just want to say: don’t be ashamed to ask for help and remember that everything is temporary.
How was the process leading up to and during the diagnosis? How did you deal with that news?
My diagnosis came very early; at the time, there wasn't much talk about it. It was a shock for everyone then, and it significantly changed my life and how I saw myself and others. Over time, I gradually understood and accepted it better… everything became clearer.
What are the symptoms that affect you the most?
The most significant symptoms have always been impulsivity, mainly associated with substance abuse, but also with risky relationships and binge eating. Emotional instability in relationships has always been present. The feeling of emptiness is something that almost feels like part of me—I always try to stay busy to avoid feeling that part. Over time, with therapy and emotional regulation, these symptoms have become less painful.
How do you manage these symptoms, which ones have you learned to control, and how?
Asking for help and talking to people, keeping my mind occupied, getting sunlight, and having moments of relaxation are all very important things that can be essential and make a difference!
What helps you regulate emotions, triggers, and impulses?
Above all, it helps a lot to first be aware of them and know what they are, but just venting to trusted people and having therapy does the rest of the work. For a long time, I didn’t know this or take these steps—it’s the self-sabotaging process that’s so common for us.
What are your biggest fears regarding this disorder?
I’m very afraid of what impulsivity can bring... In November last year, I had my first suicide attempt through an overdose. I thought it only happened to others and would never happen to me, but I was wrong. It was the inability to manage emotions and the desperation from work situations that led me to that.
What positive aspects can you see in it?
Our disorder makes us very dependent on others and constantly seeking attention and approval from others, but also, due to our kind heart, people often take advantage of our vulnerabilities.
I imagine that, after the diagnosis and the beginning of a journey of self-discovery, recovery, and therapy, you had to review and reassess your values, beliefs, thought patterns, behavior, and relationships. So, did you feel that a reconstruction of your life and identity was necessary? In what way?
Everything had to change… fortunately, I entered a profound journey of self-discovery, where I ended up understanding and accepting myself better. Accepting and understanding others and myself—every day is a new journey, and I learn something new. Every day I get stronger! But I could never have done this without others! I believe this personality disorder has “pushed” me toward a deep spiritual elevation. Every day, I try to understand the beliefs, values, and behaviors of others to help me also discover my own.
